This time, to see my reaction and understand it for what it was early on, was such an amazing moment. But oh-so-muted…

What I was missing before was the strength built on evidence to back up my claim. What I was missing before was him sneaking around turning down the gas on the lights around me. It was scary to admit that I am a victim of emotional abuse. I am healing. My children are also victims. They are trying to heal, too.

But understand this- they know that they have no power. I told them to trust the system because they have no other choice. And yesterday, they were dismissed just like they are when they are with their dad. Teenagers with growing brains and confused emotions who got thrown right back into cognitive dissonance. What makes it worse is who perpetuated their trauma. A professional who was to work for “the children’s best interests”, hired expressly for that purpose. And they were trusting enough to leave themselves vulnerable, and they shared their truth.

But they were not believed.

So. If I recognized this and made my peace with the fact that I understand how ridiculous my stories might sound, yet still reacted more strongly than I would have liked in the moment, and if my innards felt yucky, how must my children have felt? How can I help them to be strong enough to find peace if the law tells them that their experiences are not to be trusted? Can’t be trusted? Or what if they are, indeed, strong enough but grow anger instead?

See, they do have some experience with the law and how arbitrary the law can be. They know because it has taken their cousin’s life already. By the time he goes free, they will both be adults.

I have to believe they will be strong enough…