Member-only story
This is a hard spot… but it’s not me who’s in it.
I think I’m putting him there. Oh, I don’t like that at all, not even a little bit.
Okay, maybe a little bit. At first, there may have been a tiny sense of satisfaction. You see, I have never been so important to someone that I got put first in a healthy way. What can I say… remnant needs of a fatherless child? Selfish emotional survival tactics? Ugh, for sure.
Maybe for a split-second my toddler mind felt that sense of satisfaction. But then. Then I thought of you.
What does my presence upset? Do I guilt you? What a nasty passive-aggressive maneuver. I’m sorry, my love, I haven’t been thoughtful.
This may be a Growing you will face, and I’m sorry to bring you here. Just as my baggage does, your baggage has its own unique set of challenges.
I don’t want to be a source of contention, or to cause a rift, but I have a question: Every son has to break away at some point, yes? I don’t feel like it’s my place to insert myself or push. I don’t want to cause angst or suffering of any sort. Does my presence alone- SURPRISE!!- cause enough of an upset? I won’t apologize for that.
I can see how I was selfish, though, and for that I will say I’m sorry. But if, indeed, a man must break away from his mother to truly give himself to another, I don’t want to be the wedge. And if a…