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I missed him today. I wanted him to want this night for us. Like so many before. Like mostly all of them since we started. I wanted to say, “I can’t come to you, but will you come to me?” Unbroken string of days that he would just assume are mine…

“You can’t come to me? No worries, I’ll come to you”.

But that’s not what he meant. He meant if I can’t go to him, I forfeit. That’s what crushed me. I forget how long he’s lived that life, I forget that he’s also becoming someone new now that he’s met me.

We both have our baggage. He did not know that mine was a Pandora’s Box. I didn’t, either. Maybe his is, too. I can give him some slack. I wonder if I took him by surprise, like he did me? Because he did. I did not want to pursue togetherness, I did not want to be caught in thought for another. Imagine that, times three. Immediate shake-up of the status quo. Finding time that was already spoken for.

I feel like he’s becoming a part of my daily existence, but I am a separate addition to what he already has. What I am asking, then, is a monumental change, isn’t it?

Of course, he would have to be more certain. Of course, I’m willing to be patient. He is an accidental master teacher, I’m finding out. This is a lesson in becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable.

He doesn’t want to change me or make me fit. Just expects that I will be myself, a…