Divorcing Me

Getting Rid Of The Wife I Used To Be

Some ways of being I no longer am now that I’m out and removed from the toxic relationship that was my first marriage.

Turns out, divorcing myself from the person I used to be proved to be more of a challenge- and that much sweeter- than divorcing the man who helped create me as his wife.

April 30th of 2021 will mark 3 years since my divorce was finalized. These have been my toughest years, but also the best of them, too. Lots of healing, probably just as many mistakes, lots of apologies- to myself and others. In my blind co-dependence, I was unhealthy and unhappy. Often confused, upset, and let’s have some devastating bouts of depression- because that’s always productive, right?!

Last night, though, was a gem of an evening. A bright and shiny panned from the rubble. See, I’ve been dating my new beau for a year and a half now, and last night was the first night that my emotions didn’t overrule my logic. And what’s more, I recognized it.

See, I used to freak out if plans changed at the last minute. My emotions were on a hair trigger during most of my marriage and for months after the divorce. I could not see where to step, and if plans changed on short notice, I understood it as a personal affront. I started to question everything.