I often wonder if this is the real reason that I have lost contact with some old friends... in the same way that I regress into my 'childhood self' role when I visit my family, old friends seek the 'old friend' they know.

A couple years ago, I left a score-long toxic partnership. Turns out, I also left a handful of beautiful, loving, and sustaining friendships, as well. It pisses me off that these friends were wholly unconnected to the toxic... well, I guess that's not true. They were connected- they were contingent upon me being the same person I was yesterday, everyday.

Bittersweet, though. I hope for their joy and happiness and love still- and I miss them.

But I don't contact them. It's not intentional. Casualties of growth, perhaps?