Member-only story
I Settled For Conditional Love
I didn’t know any better…
I’m not sure if I hope my kids never set eyes on this or read it enough times to commit the essence to memory. While I want them to know their mother and her life experiences, those revelations may cause them harm. But it’s those experiences that made me the person that I am today. It’s my life with their father that taught me what love isn’t…
The nature of what I do, though, is intrusive- in my life but also in theirs. That may be unfair to them for they did not ask for this kind of life.
But none of us get that opportunity, do we? Birth is a lottery, indeed.
I don’t know why I find it hard to look at her. The replacement wife- or girlfriend, rather. My boyfriend and I ran into her and my son at the grocery store earlier today.
“Wow, she’s rough around the edges,” he said afterward. I made a mean comment, totally uncalled-for, probably about her 5-sizes-too-small overalls from the day before (is this trend coming back?? Bib-overalls, I mean- should’ve kept my pair! Ha). Immediately apologized and said, “I just don’t like her”. He replied, “Well, I wasn’t talking nice about her either, was I?”
Gotta hand it to my man, he pays attention. He knew that I needed his support, even though I suspect he disagrees with my handling…