I'm not sure that anything I have to say will resonate with you, as our parenting styles seem to be wildly different. I'm way lenient but expect a great deal from my children; I'm a fan of live-and-let-grow and believe my role is to be a facilitator of that growth.

Just a little background... I have a 16 yo daughter, a 15 yo son, and coached both competitive and recreational gymnastics for a decade to youth ages 2-18, both boys and girls. While I don't claim to be an expert, I do have lots of experience working with kids and teens, in high risk situations. My daughter owns, cares for, rides, and is financially responsible for a 1200lb animal (She owns a horse). My son loves motocross and snowmobiling, hunting, and shoots trap for his high school trap league, meaning he regularly handles and discharges firearms on a team with several other teenagers. And gymnastics is an inherently dangerous sport, even at the lower levels, simply because the equipment used requires constant awareness, especially when hurling yourself at said pieces of equipment while sharing space with others who are doing the same exact thing.

So, while my next comments may

sound like an attack, they are not meant to be! I've worked with well over 300 kids who came through my gymnastics room and at clinics and summer camps i worked at or participated in.

We need to give our kids more credit. And then stand behind them and let them learn. As adults, we can then step in if they find themselves in a situation that requires us to do so.

But seriously- 200 chores?? (Why is she having to 'pay you back' for it? Did she intentionally break it or something?) Restarting a month-long disciplinary measure that's half finished just for trying to turn on a tv?? Losing her privacy for a simple indiscretion? Being forced to write a 2 page apology explaining why what she did was wrong?? 2 pages?! (It's like pulling teeth to get my son to write a 3-sentence long paragraph much less a whole page! Even I struggle to write a single page some days- and I love to write and am an adult).

Those consequences are ridiculous (yes, this is just my opinion). The punishments far outweigh the 'crimes'. If I was looking at (what feels like) a neverending, arbitrary punishment, with the possibility of having to start over at even a single misstep, I'd probably have that 'I couldn't care less' attitude, too! Kind of a hopeless circumstance, you know? well, unless perfection is achieved and she never makes a single mistake or defies you again, ever. What's the probability of that, do you think?

You said yourself that she is the easiest kid a parent could ask for and is thoughtful and kind. Yet she is basically living in a prison cell, with guards who are making clear that they can make her existence suck, right down to the taste of her food- just because they can. I'm sorry, but I'd be resentful as hell if that's how I was treated.

'She literally couldn't care any less' looks to me like a dangerous signal. She may not be 'acting out', but is she 'acting in'?

What would it have to look like for you to believe she cares? Would she act 'right'?

See, the thing is, she is experimenting and growing and seeking autonomy. Asserting her independence. That's what growing humans do. We make mistakes, we commit errors, we are deviant, sometimes, too.

Maybe turning on the tv had nothing at all to do with her trying to break the rules or defy you. Maybe she just wanted to relax and watch tv and feel normal for a moment. Yes, I know it was off-limits at the time and she knew that.

Give her a consequence that fits the deviance, that makes sense.

You won't be able to keep her isolated from the world forever. Her worldview will not always be filtered through her parents... maybe teach her how to be discerning and how to use her critical faculties so that when she embarks on her journey out into the world on her own, she will have the skills to make good decisions with sound judgment.

As for the 'talking to strangers online' issue, I just want to ask you to consider this sentiment- instead of an all-encompassing no, you could teach her how to interact with others online safely. Her world is increasingly online as a matter of course. She will meet new people online (and that can be a wonderful thing!) She needs to know how to do it safely and well. You will not always be there to restrict access. But if you give her the tools to stay safe, she has a better chance of not falling prey to those mean her harm.

Parenting is hard! Wishing you good luck and skill through the challenges. Sounds like you've got yourselves a wonderful, caring, healthy teenager- and really, what more could a parent ask for? :)