Women who are manipulative and gaslight-y to serve their own ends are a poor choice of partner- whether or not they have kids. As are men who display the same toxic relationship skills.

Why would you listen to or derive your value from people who clearly are lacking in relationship skills and aren't looking to grow and learn?

I got divorced (from a man with lots of narcissistic tendencies) in early 2018. We have 2 teens together. I was not healthy then. Healing is an ongoing process- for both me and my kids. I still am discovering some toxic reactions inside me when I get 'triggered'. But that is my issue to learn and grow away from.

But I would never call a man who didn't want to date me selfish. I might call a spade a spade, but it wouldn't be because they didn't want to date a single mother.

I can totally understand your reaction and wanting to share your feelings with an article... maybe what we need to do is to arm all of us with healthy relationship skills.

Ah, if only it were that easy, right?

After my divorce, I stayed single for a while- that's the way I wanted it. Mind you, I walked away from everything- the house and everything in it.

Then I crossed paths with a wonderful man who is 11 years my junior, no kids. Right off the bat, I let him know that I have the dreaded 'baggage'. I guess my situation may be a bit different... my daughter is almost 18, my son will be 16 and driving at the end of this month! And the kids have recovered a ton since the divorce and are doing well in school, work, and activities.

The boyfriend and I still maintain separate households, and honestly probably will until my son is almost 18. In fact, I purchased some land that the boyfriend is now building a house and barn on- both of our names are on the deed to the property, and we will both be contributing to the establishment of the homestead.

I work as a willing 'grunt' employee for my boyfriend sometimes (he owns a successful sawmill/construction business), and he does the same for me with my endeavors... in that way- and many others- we care for each other. He takes care of me, I take care of him. It's a two-way street.

We both had, and have, learning and growing to do when it comes to relationship skills.

I went from loving being a struggling single mom (yes, I loved it because I was finally able to get shit done and saw that I could do this without the toxic relationship) to loving being in a relationship with a man who wants to grow with me. And yes, he knew that wanting me meant wanting all three, that's just the nature of dating someone with 2 kids. And oh, how I love him!

I mess up sometimes, he does, too. I bring up old shit sometimes... he does, too. We are learning together and growing away from the unhealthy relationship skills that had become habit, knee-jerk reactions that we were both brought up with.

Maybe that's what we all need to do- be able to look inward and get rid of nasty habits that don't serve anyone well.

Keep your heart and mind open, and I hope you find what you are after! Wishing you all the love, joy, and success in life!

Oh yeah, and the sex is incredible... not sure if lots of single mothers are like this- or maybe it's just my age?- but our daily 'sticky' sessions haven't waned yet and he doesn't have to worry about missing sex for days or months on end due to hormones or pregnancy or 'overtouch syndrome' of being pawed at all day by toddlers, lol. Just something to keep in mind ;)